How I Plan to Land a Job
To do is to be [Descartes].
To be is to do [Voltaire].
Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra]
So finally my years of being a student are coming to an end. Graduation
is roughly a month away and well, everyone I know also seems to be
doing the job hunt frenzy. So have I.
I realize that it’s just not enough to send out resumes nowadays. I have to do things that will separate me from the pack.
So I came up with this list of possible things I could do in order to
land my ideal job. Of course, after having my advisor review this
list, she tried to convince me that maybe I would best be suited at a
mental insitution. It’s the stress I tell you! 
Ok. I’ll shut up (!). Here it is:
DAPHNE’S IDEAS ON LANDING HER IDEAL JOB
1. light myself on fire. maybe my employers will come watch me burn. but F*CK that would hurt!
2. act exactly like Paris Hilton would during the interview,
including bringing a pooch accessory with me - *woof*
3. hold my breath until I get a job offer.
*4. pretend I’m invisible and go to do my work for the company, while I’m invisible .
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How did you land or plan to land your ideal profession?
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April 19th, 2005 at 7:41 pm
I notice an asterisk by 5. Is that one your preference? I think they call that an internship.
#2 would certainly get you noticed, but not so much for all the right reasons.
#3? Wasn’t it Kurt Cobain who said, “Acting stupid is contagious?”
#4 & 1…Consult Matt before attempting these…or just don’t attempt these. You want to be a media consultant, not a monk or a radio DJ.
So I guess the days of working a dumb job while waiting for THE JOB are out…along with call-backs and such?
I got the job that led me to a life-long carrer in medicine while working as a telemarketer! Ouch. I used to sell these “Welcome to Arizona” baskets to unsuspecting tourists and people who had recently moved to the area. It is AMAZING what telemarketing companies know about you…be afraid.
Well….Good luck. The hardest thing to do sometimes is remember that, to somebody’s business, somewhere, you are priceless! …at least until they decide to pretend you are invisible and set you on fire! = )
April 25th, 2005 at 12:18 am
hi, this is Nald from Hong Kong, i have just spent one month in Saigon learning Vietnamese, and one month in bangkok learning Thai. I am planning to go to Malaysia/Philipines this winter to learn the languages, it makes sense as I already speak 7 languages and Tagalog is very useful in Hong Kong as 2% of population here are from the Philippines. Do you know of any good Tagalog school in Manila? when you learnt English, was it hard? is the Tagalog grammar very different from English? how about Vietnamese and Thai? thanks
Nald
http://www.nald.cjb.net
April 25th, 2005 at 10:10 am
“hi, this is Nald from Hong Kong, i have just spent one month in Saigon learning Vietnamese, and one month in bangkok learning Thai. I am planning to go to Malaysia/Philipines this winter to learn the languages, it makes sense as I already speak 7 languages and Tagalog is very useful in Hong Kong as 2% of population here are from the Philippines. Do you know of any good Tagalog school in Manila? when you learnt English, was it hard? is the Tagalog grammar very different from English? how about Vietnamese and Thai? thanks
Nald
http://www.nald.cjb.net”
Wow, I envy you! I really want to learn other languages. I tried French, Latin, but I really suck, hehehe… You must be filthy rich or something to be travelling all over the world! hehehe… BTW, I’m a Filipino(Pinoy ako!). I think if you really want to learn the language, University of the Philippines is the best choice of school. All schools bow down to that university. You might also want to try De La Salle University(Animo La Salle! Oops), Ateneo De Manila, University of Santo Tomas, Far Eastern University, etc.. Learning English here in the Philippines wasn’t very hard because there are many competent Filipino English teachers here. (And Filipino Filipino teachers,too!) Yeah, Filipino grammar is somewhat different from that of English… esp, because of that 2001 Filipino Alphabet Revision thingy… Sometimes, you can’t directly translate a sentence to other languages. (e.g. “Guwapo ako,” “Guwapo” means handsome, “Ako” means I. It doesn’t make sense in English if you say, “Handsome I”, right? But it makes sense in Filipino if you say, “Guwapo ako” or “I am handsome!”) And another thing, it’s actually Filipino. Tagalog is just one of the 10 prevalent dialects in the country that were used as a basis for the language Filipino. ^_^
So, goodluck! Kaya mo ‘yan!
April 26th, 2005 at 9:33 pm
Of all the ideas you have for landing your so-called “ideal” job, I really REALLY wouldn’t recommend you to push through with number 3. Why? Obviously, the employers will be turned off and may send you packing home immediately.
Hell, if I was there, I will SMACK you right in the face and tell ‘ya to “Wake up girl! You’re not in my ‘hotel’ (<- with reference here to the Hilton hotels) nor am I your daddy’s whipping boy. So grow up and shut your pie hole!”.
And then I’ll embarass you further by saying; “Just walk away you blond-job boob tube and stay the hell away from my kind ‘coz we don’t want to be infected by your moronic stupidity!”.
Hehe… Cruel isn’t it? But that’s just how CRUEL the world can be - especially in the ‘concrete jungle’ of capitalist hordes.
Anyway, GOODLUCK na lang sa job hunting me ‘coz you’ll need, not only sheer luck, but also persevering PATIENCE…
April 26th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
I would go with #2, because streaking is always funny, especially if you end up trying to elude security guards like the guys that streak at football games. #5 would be the next best choice, because it reminds me of a really good Seinfeld episode. Keep in mind, though, that if they’re not paying you it will make you feel even worse if they fire you. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can land my ideal profession unless there’s some new company that pays people to drink beer, work on cars, and talk about the Green Bay Packers. My only plan is a bit of a long shot. It goes like this:
1. Buy time by going to grad school (in progress)
2. Be as stupid as possible at all times (in progress)
3. Hope that eventually I injure myself through my own stupidity, but blame it on someone else
4. Sue them, make a lot of money, and spend the rest of my life drinking beer, working on cars, and talking about the Green Bay Packers
April 29th, 2005 at 12:03 am
be authentic. that will win them.
May 5th, 2005 at 6:19 am
hi
May 8th, 2005 at 4:32 am
hi…..
May 8th, 2005 at 11:27 pm
Those two are talkative…
June 1st, 2005 at 9:03 pm
hello..you’re good..*wink*
July 15th, 2005 at 10:48 pm
Hi everyone, Im Michael Gomez 21 y/o from butuan city and i studied northern mindanao state institute of science and technology , and i looking a weird people .
July 16th, 2005 at 9:48 am
Hi,everyone am lara, like meeting people talking abt ideals, having friends, talking about life, if anyone cares to meet me am very cute
July 18th, 2005 at 8:54 pm
hi, everyone. im trying to find all my schoolmates in TCS ipoh. i hope i will able to to see them again. just to hv a cup of tea together!!
July 25th, 2005 at 6:01 pm
hi, im a bit startled and confused,… you kinda weird… still one piece of advice,… when your telling secrets or any kind of deep dark secrets,… make sure that you can handle any possibilities that may occur. anyhow,… be happy and still be considerate… tanx your ad is cool
November 30th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I ve been reading along for a while now. I just wanted to drop you a comment to say keep up the good work.
Joan
Tips Beauty