WE DON’T WANNA HEAR IT
The other day my friend, who is usually the most composed individual out of any of my group of friends, calls me breathlessly on the phone. FRIEND: Daphne, OMG! Do you remember my guy friend, Mr. 24?ME: The guy you call 24 because he drank 24 shots in one sitting?FRIEND: Yeah! You know how I told you we became really good friends? Well, I was talking to him today and you’ll never guess what happened?ME: Did he drink 25 shots while on the phone with you and now you call him Mr. 25?FRIEND: Haha. No! But, we were just talking about random stuff and all of a sudden, he professes his love for me! He says he has always cared about me from the very beginning and he just tried to suppress his feelings because I have a boyfriend. Oh, I feel so odd now! This is the last thing I wanted to hear! Why does this have to happen? Maybe my other friend is right, men and women can’t ever really be friends!Hold it right there!Can men and women really not be friends? I have gotten the whole, "Well, the real reason I became friends with you first is because I thought I would have a bigger chance with you" bit from a supposed guy friend before. In fact, Matthew and I were friends before we started dating.Yet, it can’t always be the case can it? One of my bestest friends now is a guy. And ironically enough, one of Matthew’s best friends is a girl! I can’t imagine myself dating my best friend. He’s more like a brother and I know Matthew feels the same way about his friend. However, my friend with whom I had the conversation with above seems to sense the danger that lies in being friends with the opposite sex. The only conclusion I can come to on this subject is that it is different in every case, but the underlying cause that any of us do become friends, be it with a male or female, is that there is something that attracts us to that individual (physical or not). The more we get to know each other, however, and if we realize that we fit each other well (like Matthew and I), that friendship eventually becomes something more. As for the rest, the more you get to know them, the more you discover that you like hanging out with them, talking to them, sharing thoughts and feelings with them, but you could never be romantically involved with them and they become your close friends. That, in my opinion, is how the friendship world turns. As for my friend, they’re still trying to salvage the friendship they had before the revelation. We’ll see if it lasts.————————————————————————–CAN MEN AND WOMEN REALLY BE FRIENDS AND STAY AS THAT? |
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April 23rd, 2006 at 5:51 pm
this is one of those ‘when harry met sally’ moments…
April 24th, 2006 at 1:29 am
I have a male bestfriend for almost 10 years. And I also have a relationship for almost 6 years. After I had the relationship for a year, my bestfriend came up and tell me that he loved me. Hohoo… too late… Things got different after that. But still, he’s my friend.
Then, I found an old letter from my boyfriend to his female bestfriend that saying that he couldnt live without her (or something like that) But he stayed with me til now (and we’re getting married soon).
So now, the fourth of us stay as bestfriends. Isn’t that great?
You made the conclusion…
April 24th, 2006 at 10:41 am
Men and women could be friends for the interim until time and circumstance ensures certainty there’s no chance for anything more.
The journey towards companionship is a dance, filled with subtle and explicit forms of communication…
April 26th, 2006 at 3:02 pm
I’m not sure but I think it’s almost impossible for a man and woman to be “REAL” friends without someone falling for the other one or at least having some “lust”. I mean, they can stay “friends” and force themselves to hide what they feel but I’m sure deep down inside they’re ready to explode or implode [which ever come first].
April 28th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
They can be friends! Even sweethearts are friends!
http://salaswildthoughts.blogspot.com
April 29th, 2006 at 5:09 am
In my experience, no. I thought at certain points that I had male friends, but in time, either they were interested in more, or I was interested in more. Even if it was something that was never acted on, it was still “there”.
When I got engaged, I started hanging out with male friends less and less. When I got married, I really didn’t hang out with them at all. Not that I ditched them, but we just kind of faded apart. Why? Maybe some of them realized that I was now “taken”, and maybe I realized that I had no more need for close male companionship?
I do have some male friends now, but they’re mostly friends of my husband, or people I work with, etc. And even though they’re friends, I typically wouldn’t be calling them on a Saturday night to hang out with them (exclusively). I’m not sure if that makes sense, but it’s my take on things.
May 1st, 2006 at 3:56 am
NO!!!!for me,as in,it is a big NONO!!!men and women cant stay as a friends forever!!!because whatever they do,whenever they talk on the phone everyday,texting all night long,hanging out together!!!theres this thing called infatuation…they will fall for each other too…i stongly believe that men and womens out there cant stay as friends…on my experience,i fall inlove with a guy friend,and i just cant pretend that i dont love him..so i always answer gis phone calls,his texts and everything,i tried to tell him how much he really means to me….and worst,he’s just too close to a girl..men and women can stay as friend only when they SAY AND TELL to each other that”HEY WERE JUST FRIENDS RIGHT????”no physical and emotional reactions!!!
May 2nd, 2006 at 1:31 pm
They can’t according to my-ex. He was always suspicious with guys masquerading as my friends. To me they CAN, although at the end of the day you never really knew. I had some experience where my male friends had feelings for me. But I have a male best friend, and so far…we’re good.
May 3rd, 2006 at 1:43 am
eh…how envious i would like to toy him ha!
May 3rd, 2006 at 1:26 pm
All of my best friends of my whole entire life have been male. only one of them ever hit on me or tried to get romantic.
I could never date a friend. The very thought gives me the creeps.
May 4th, 2006 at 11:42 am
I’m new here, but I found your incite quite refreshing and right on the money… I’m married but would enjoy making new friends. swaney3@cox.net is my e-mail address. I’m 37, male and American. I hope you can add me to your friends list. Thanks
May 6th, 2006 at 4:27 am
modesty aside that is my greatest mistake. some girl that i want to be friend and i mean just friend thinks otherwise.they think im trying to be friend them because i am in love with them.they think i really am just trying to be nice coz i im romantically interested in them .that sucks,coz ll i want is just to be their friend plain and simple.but girls dont do that,then they would hate me.i was so dis appointed coz i used to be nice to her and she thinks i was after something else.there was even a time that a girl told me”well you never attack my woman hood” ,womanhood?i wanted to scream at the top of my lungs,to the effect that i wont get near 3 inches off your womanhood hahaha.there was a time i was trying to have a bridge,coz i really like her cousin and all she sabotage my love towards her cousin,some would ask who my crush is and then say to the effect that i am so physical hehe.that they are prettier than my crush,as if saying a have no taste haha.women think men are just trying to befriend them then they would ‘attack”. some thinks men wont spend time with them unless the guy likes her.and that once the guy is nice ,they are after her romantically,then blew her fury once they realize that i just want to be her friend,nointention of kissing on the lips or to that line hehehe.
May 6th, 2006 at 5:21 am
Depends on the case. Once I had a best guyfriend in college, and I thought we had the chemistry. I even told him that I liked him, although he kinda refused gentlt. He dated another girl. But, then we keep calling each other, talking, and support each other. The feeling of comfort is there. Well, hey……..I want my boyfriend to be my best friend too…..
May 10th, 2006 at 7:30 am
I would like to believe that men and women can be just friends but, my experience has taught me otherwise. Sooner or later the guy begins to show his feelings and then things get strange. I totally agree with Erwin who said
“Men and women could be friends for the interim until time and circumstance ensures certainty there’s no chance for anything more.
The journey towards companionship is a dance, filled with subtle and explicit forms of communication…”
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May 20th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
I’d say that it decreases in likelihood the more attractive the woman, because that increases the potential that the guy will get psyched out and somehow decide the ‘friend’ route is the best way to her bed.
I guess it’s just that most guys are lonely for companionship, and believe the Hollywood logic of ‘tell a girl you love her=happy ending’, ignoring the obvious point that life continues onwards and people change.
So the short answer is: no; sex will always stand as a barrier to platonic friendship
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:53 am
it’s impossible for a male and a female to be really close and just be friends. because closeness entails each to have commitment and to show concern for each other. this makes both happy and contented when in each other’s company. then they start wanting to always be together. so there. closeness starts a spiral that inevitably leads to a more-than-friends relationship. not to mention the natural magnetism (more like LIBIDO) drawing the different sexes closer and closer and closer togetehr!
May 24th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Can’t be friends. Guys always wanna jump on anything female regardless if they are friends or not. lol. How much more a female that they get along with. haha. To a guy (I myself being one of them) a female friend means “a girl who won’t lemme get with her, but might” lol. Either that or they have absolutely no sexual chemistry… and what fun would that be?? =)
BTW.. you’re hot. Wanna be my friend? lol
May 24th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
men and women can never just be friends, it is a sly way for either party to remain in the wings until he or she feels comfortable enough to reveal their feelings to the other party…
May 25th, 2006 at 3:51 am
it’s possible.. for a guy and a girl to be just friends.. but not as “close friend”.. to be able for both party to see the line that limits..
i have a lot of guy friend since my childhood days..and we remained as ordinary friends till now. Except for this one guy i met during my college years who treated me very differently.. that no one could blame me for doubting the real score between us, its been long 6years, but until now, were still “friends”.. he never insist in going up to another level. although he knew that almost everyone thought we are having a relationship which is more than friendship.
May 25th, 2006 at 5:39 am
hhhmmmm
saiia tak mengerti bahasamu
ahahah
May 25th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
im not wit de topic!!y do u have different kind of a account??its no fair lol
May 25th, 2006 at 9:22 pm
are you kidding me?!!! I tried that and it will never work….oh…my friends and I tried that…. and it will never work….ok…at first its all….” hey how you doing?…. How’s everything goin….how’s life”…what evers…but…when it came down to the nitty gritty…I don’t want to know whose she is dating…she don’t want to know who I am dating…..AND there will never be a double date. With that said… When Harrymet Sally…will become… When Harry EMAILED Sally. Plain and simple. Hmmmm… I would want to have that kind of relationship…. but everyone knows… it won’t work out no matter how you try… ………UNLESS…. one person still has feelings for the other… and that person tries to “keep in touch:. I seen this happen so many a times…makes me sick. Oh yeah… I say that I’m friends wiht my ex….But in reality… we email each other twice a yr. Thank you.
May 25th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
yeah.. that’s quite possible.. 3 of my best friends are boys.. they would tell me about their love life and i would tell them about mine..
May 25th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Can. Of coz can.
May 26th, 2006 at 2:47 am
To me… its alright if its a mutual thing, as in, both are in it just as friends. I have really good close guyfriends, whom i can talk to everyday about anything. And i do not want to screw the friendship up by falling for any of them.. coz i’m too comfortable with them just as friends.
So yeah… men and women can be just friends, and stay that way.
May 26th, 2006 at 8:19 am
well, i have a guy bestfriend of too many years.. ever since we were in grade school.. we are mostly platonic but there are just those days that when you look at him, wondering what it would be like if there’s more to that than friendship.. but i snap back to reality that quick, and say to myself, “yeuch!”.. haha, jk.. well, we’ve this pact when we were still in collge.. that when we turn 30 & we’re both still single, then we’d try out being with other.. we made fun of that silliness coz we don’t think we’d ever be a good match as bf/gf.. but when we turned 24 [our birthdays are just 2 days apart], he told me that he’d wanna make it to 28 coz 30 is like way too long a wait.. whoa! what’s up with that? is he? nah.. but is he? nah.. he’s got a gf of 5 long yrs & she hates me so much.. i wonder why.. haha.. jk.. c”,)
May 26th, 2006 at 8:48 am
a guy friend of mine once said that not one guy ever befriended a girl without the thought of sleeping with her….unless he’s gay.then i said, that’s not true, a guy and a girl can be friends without lusting over each other, he replied that either i’m too clueless or in denial….LOL!
May 26th, 2006 at 9:33 am
oh come on… if you look in the mirror, you will see this hot lady! and in my opinion guyz and girls can be friends, but hot ladies like you may find it harder to find these kind of male friends. because at the end of the day for example like yourself being fly.. its hard to just be a friend without physically being attracted to you. i mean i’d be attracted to you if i ever saw you ont he street? just letting my teenie weenie perspective out for you to consider?
hope it all goes well for you anyhow. laterz.
May 26th, 2006 at 10:26 am
NO. no way. stop denying it. All us guys fantasize about humping our female friends. but.. we feel guilty, so we don’t act on it. i know its really immature to say this but: guys… if you don’t agree with me, you’re clearly a little gay.
May 26th, 2006 at 11:05 am
From my personal experience, you can be friends with the opposite sex and not get involved romantically.
There are cases (as usually are)though when yu feel love for your friend of the opposite sex-of course being friends implies there’s a point of attraction and who would want to go out with someone he/she is not attracted to?
But the core thing should be that-what we call/profess as love-is it real or true or just mere infactuation (which doesn’t last)
Check deep down inside of you and find out what you truly feel for your friend of the opposite sex-true friendship/a fling/love affair/or just sex
May 26th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
this is all i have to say on this matter: “sex complicates everything”
if you’re friends with a guy.. you better make sure its just platonic friendship. coz once you’ve crossed that boundary called.. romance or lust… you can never go back.
May 27th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
i agree completely with orange road…if you want to stay friends…keep it that way…relationships complicate a lot…there are times we are told to be friends first then lovers…true…but then once lovers…there are deep emotional feelings you wouldn’t want to talk to that so called friend/lover you have and you look for a new found friend to say your deepest problems…so what happened to the friend who became your lover…remained a lover…and lost the friend part…
we get so scared of our emotions once involeved that we forget to think that this person is my friend…then after the whole deal is over…you simply hate each other…whether or not the breakup was mutual…the feeligns will never be the same…there will always be one of you trying to re enter or one trying to evade…the “relationship”
May 29th, 2006 at 2:18 am
agree completely with orange road…if you want to stay friends…keep it that way…relationships complicate a lot…there are times we are told to be friends first then lovers…true…but then once lovers…there are deep emotional feelings you wouldn’t want to talk to that so called friend/lover you have and you look for a new found friend to say your deepest problems…so what happened to the friend who became your lover…remained a lover…and lost the friend part…
we get so scared of our emotions once involeved that we forget to think that this person is my friend…then after the whole deal is over…you simply hate each other…whether or not the breakup was mutual…the feeligns will never be the same…there will always be one of you trying to re enter or one trying to evade…the “relationship”
May 30th, 2006 at 6:30 am
I have friendships like that -some have lasted years and years, and some haven’t. There has always been some ‘boy-girl energy’ present there, and in a couple of cases friendship led to dating, but friendship between the sexes is not a doomed proposition at all.
Having an impulse to kiss my friend doesn’t mean I have to; what’s important is that my friend and I are both clear about our feelings for each other and what we want from our relationship. My friend Z— and I find each other attractive, but we agree that we aren’t good for each other as a long-term couple, so why wreck a friendship by jumping in bed? Since our boundaries are clear, we don’t have to be afraid of anything we’re feeling. I can even tell Z— I think she’s hot.
May 31st, 2006 at 11:29 pm
Yes, men and women can be friends and stay friends. Unfortunately my really close guy friend considers me as “the ONE that got away”. My response to that is…well, the bus came by your stop, you didn’t get on…it ain’t never coming back. Nonetheless, I will always consider him my friend.
June 4th, 2006 at 6:16 am
Yes - most definately. My best friend is a Filipina that I have known for 12 years now, split a townhouse with in Philly for 2 yrs, done vacations all over the globe with - and neither of us are the other’s type for dating - and never been any romance involved. Much better when your both hunter types - and the crowds we gather are what the other is hunting. lol Works out well.
June 13th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
i once heard somewhere that says ‘man and woman can never be friends. they either fall in love with each other or move on with somebody else.’
June 27th, 2006 at 7:35 am
In my experience, I find it is very possible to be real friends to male friends and stays that way.
I have a male bestfriend, and even he has a girlfriend, and I have my boyfriend, our relationship grows like brother and sister. No romantic sparks, but we really has been good friends for almost 12 years.
But it also happened to me once, that my feelings grow into a romantic relationship to my other male friend that I never thought I could fall in love with.
I still think it is not important to think it is possible or not.It is possible to be good friend, but also possible to grow to other way.. So Be a good friend… and enjoy it!
For me it is very possible to be real friends between male and female. And it is really good. we are really complimentary in many things, especially when giving advices.
We only need to be honest and love them as brother and sister relationship, care and love each other, And try to keep it that way.
It is really good to have that kind of relationship.
July 4th, 2006 at 2:05 am
if theres no attraction at all…..yup its possible to be friends.
July 4th, 2006 at 2:24 am
Yes & No
July 5th, 2006 at 2:36 am
my bstfriend JM did it too, he bcome my BF..
but we broke up lately…
July 19th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Ahh! Just the very question I’d been asking myself lately. I think it is different for every case. I just wished people would stop assuming that there is always something more going on when a man and a woman starts hanging out and become friends.
July 19th, 2006 at 8:46 pm
yeah! i did too. . i got a bestfriend. . then he became mah boyfriend. . we never last coz am bit of shy. . why he knows a lot of me. . and it could be the way you’ll break up! and it’s true. . everything would change between the two of you. .
but it’s up to you pepz!
July 26th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
i have a guy friend before,he’s my officemate and everytime we go out of town and have conferencemeeting we sleep together sometimes in one bed but nothing romantic happens to us.we share plans and dreams,likes and dislikes…we love and respect each other but we never fall in love w/ each other
July 27th, 2006 at 4:41 am
All my guy frens have feeling for me until i scared to make fren wit guys. Som of them i havent met oredi start develop feeling. Reason? Dunno! Weird!! He he
August 8th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
It is possible to be best friends with the opposite sex. However, we cannot discount the fact that sometimes the friendship slides over to romance. How to keep it platonic will greatly depend on both of you. Someone once told me that the only reason why some boy-girl friendships stay platonic is that the timing of both parties for romance is off. Well, I guess I have to agree on that… Chemistry and attraction are also ingredients of friendship, and friendship is an ideal foundation of romance. So it is not surprising if at one point in time, one would fall for the other. Case in point: my 12-year friendship with my guy best bud who i can vouch to be absolutely straight. Our friendship has gone a long way and has already been through rough times. We have made it through our ‘moment of revelation’ when we admitted falling in love with each other at different points in our friendship. Although the disclosure has freed us and deepened our friendship, it was way too late to act on it. We have decided to remain platonic because somehow we have moved to a higher plateau and now see each other as family, which means that whatever unspoken desire we might have had before has been sprinkled over by brotherly-sisterly love.
September 11th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
~ ” [-_-] ” ~
September 11th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
~ ” [-_-] ” ~
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October 2nd, 2006 at 12:47 am
I THINK WE CAN BE FRIENDS TOGETHER FOR SURE! DON’T YOU THINK S0!
October 2nd, 2006 at 2:28 am
Hmmm….. hmmmmm….hmmmmmm
October 2nd, 2006 at 4:35 am
well..maybe it depends on the situation..i have soo many guy friends, but that’s it..no more, no less..just as long as you don’t nurse the feeling, no one falls for the other..but if you really like your guy friend, then it’s time you take the relationship to the next level..there’s nothing to lose if you try it..if it didn’t work, so be it..if it did, good for you then..atleast you already know each other
October 3rd, 2006 at 2:29 am
well,what an interesting story to shared with.for me,i tihnk it is better to have a guy as ur bestbuddy than to have a gurlfrenss..i have been with my bestbuddy for almost 6years now and we still stick as a fren till today only having problem with our own partner..for they dont understand between sharing love wit them and sharing friendship wit frenz..
i guess,feeling to have is normal but both can do control if you really wanna stick wit frenship forever..
October 11th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
men and women must be best friend
October 17th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
well for me, they cant stay as that because they are opposite sex and of course they have their own attraction, errrr…,,right?
but, anyway, theres nothing wrong with that…hehehe
December 28th, 2006 at 12:04 am
they can be if they really mean it
January 8th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW U DEEPLY. hOW CAN I DO ?
PLS TXT +628158082889
January 11th, 2007 at 6:27 am
selamat datang di dunia maya
February 20th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
actually im cathy..
in my own opinion, there are chances that men & women cud be platonic friends. though it depends on the level of frienship. But the possibilities of turning frienship into romance is also very high specially wen both parties show extraordinary care,concern & affection. Because more often than not, we really appreaciate and tend to respond to the person who does stuffs like that. The bottomline is: it’s really up to us, whether we want to cross the line of frienship and take it to the next level..
February 20th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
hoo. dennis is my name again. actually this is my 2nd comment. my 1st attempt was unsuccesfull. i should say that it is nice to be in a place wherever you go, u could talk to a lot of people. for me, as long as you are not sinning, BIG FREEDOM is there that you could do. hmhm, when i get married, i’ll be treating still my wife as my friend.
February 20th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
A man and a woman can’t be 100% friends forever. There must besomething in between. Well, it depends on who the guy is though.
February 20th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
well.. i have a close male friends, there are no heart feeling at all..some friends tellin me that our relationship might be change in “other way”.. but i try to stay in my way.. it done.. we can share all of things together (not girls things) as i shared with my female friend.. what a nice relationship.. i luv that
February 20th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
yeah! a 25% hahahahahaha. . .
March 24th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
After marriage, I don’t have anymore male bestfriend.
March 24th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I thought its possible to have
a platonic relationship, but men & women cannot stay friends 4 long periods of time, its very disappointing. I had a male friend for more than 7 years. I was so happy because we can discuss everything without malice. Now that i have a boyfriend, he just banished without a word.
April 12th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
hmmm…hmmm…hmmmm
April 13th, 2007 at 2:06 am
Ei daphne. Ds is the 1st tym I read ur blog. I rili enjoyed reading evrythng. And dats a big deal coz i dnt enjoy reading much. hahah. Ur blog is rili cool. And i lyked ds one, the “i dnt wna hir it”. Of cors women and men can be frends. Ac2ly, my bestfrend is a gurl. We both understand dat wer jz frends and i lyk it dat way. We hv bin bestfrends for 5 or 6 yrs, since 4th grade elementary. Evrythng’s gr8 until she had boyfrends. I ddnt hv much of a problem wd her first and second but her recent boyfrend truly loves her, and she truly loves him back. I dnt hv a problem wd the guy or anythng. He’s one of my frends ac2ly. But lately, he’s the only one dat she’s with evryday. She barely has tym 4 me. Bcoz of dat, wer slowly geting farther away from each oder. *sigh* u knw, its funny. I nvr told any1 bout ds b4 heheh. Jz wntd 2 share. Wel, gtg. Tc!
April 13th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
its possible, i have one during my college days and it was merely platonic.
we’re both married now and remain d best of friends.
April 20th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
NOTHING!!!!!!